Misty, milky morning.

So this morning a swim event popped up on my Facebook feed from a group I swim with regularly, I hadn’t swum for about three weeks and I knew the temperatures would be lower than when I was in last time. I nearly pulled up the duvet and ignored it, but I knew in my head I needed to get out. There has been a lot of changes in my life in the last few weeks, husband has changed jobs and working a graveyard shift, I’ve started a new job; a move away from regular school hours and days to shifts. All these are changes we chose to make; kind off, but my brain is struggling to meander its way through the new routines and obstacles. I was comfortable in my work place; with good people around me, who knew me, accepted me and had been with me on a very personal transition after I had my breakdown. I am now testing out the theory that I am strong enough to move forward. I’m out of my comfort zone, amongst a much larger staff team, but facing the age old concerns about anxiety, self esteem and wondering how others perceive me. These early stages of transition are testing my mental resilience, but the difference now is that I know it for what it is. It’s a phase, a change, some people I work with may not like me, but some might, and that’s okay as long as everyone is kind to each other. So far it’s going great, liking the job and there’s a great sense of camaraderie that runs through the team…..but I still needed a swim or a yomp up a mountain to take me out of myself. With storm Agnes heading our way I didn’t have time to climb a Munro, so when the swim popped up it was the obvious choice.

It was perfectly calm and quiet and still and the water wrapped itself around me and stilled my mind, brought me back to Earth grounded me, just as it always does.